I haven't been in a very chatty mood lately. Not here, not on the forums or groups and not even in real life. Granted, I'm on week 2 of a bad sinus infection, so I haven't been feeling the greatest, but it's more then just that. I think it's the impending holiday. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about Christmas; eager to see Hilary and Liam's reactions for gifts I got them, anticipating what Santa might bring everyone.
Holidays just have a bad way of reminding me of the losses in my life. Losses from adoption (both mine and Liam's), from the deaths of loved ones and from family/friends that I have lost over stupid and petty little fights.
It's those last ones that are the hardest, because they are ones that could be fixed. A phone call, a letter, anything to reach out. But it can be so hard. Especially as years and years pass. When you can't really even remember what the original fight was about. When you are willing to apologize for past hurts (even if you weren't the one who was wrong!) but you know that the apology won't be accepted. I know I will never have another family Christmas like the ones I had growing up because our family is now divided. Family members that I probably won't see or speak to until the next funeral. That's gonna be a fun time!
So Hilary, Liam and I will make new memories. Happy, wonderful memories together while I push the losses to the dark corners and try not to let them peak out too much and ruin my holiday.