I dreamt about the horses

Last night I dreamt about the horses.
Again.

It's been a long time since they have visited my sleep.
I wish they had stayed away longer.

I stand at the sink and gaze out the window.
As always, it is summer.
I never remember the winters.
I wonder why?

The window is open.
There is the tiniest of breezes.
Just enough for the faint smell of manure to waft towards me.
I close my eyes and inhale.

I kow what I have to do,
but I feel glued to the spot.
What will I find when I open the door?
I am filled with dread.

I never remember the walk to the door.
I am just there.
It is dark inside.
What does that mean?

Now I am inside the barn.
The smells surround me.
The feelings engulf me.
I know it is only a dream,
but I can't wake up.

Do I want to wake up?
Will this dream be different?
Will I revisit a wonderful time of my life,
or will the horror of the other dreams return?

It is the same as all the other dreams.
There are no horses.
Just the stale stench of old death.
but there is still work to be done,
so I begin.

In the morning I awake.
Not refreshed, but lost.
The feelings and smells stay with me all day.
Slowly it fades, but flits back again when I don't expect it.

What does it mean?
Why does this dream keep returning?
When will it come again?
What did I do?

This is a recuring dream that I have once or twice a year. I did indeed have horses at my parents house (where this dream takes place) when I was a teenager. They did not die. When I moved out of my parent's house I sold 1 horse and moved the other 2 to a stable that I ended up working for and living at. However, a 19 year old girl living on her own and supporting herself could not afford to stable 2 horses for long, so I eventually had to sell both of them as well.