Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Enjoy your life and forget me

What wonderful words to have written in a letter enclosed in my birthday card; and in only the second birthday card I have received from the woman who made my birthday possible - my mother Iris.

I had done a really good job at moving on, facing the end. I cannot fathom what Iris's life must be like for her. I had come to terms with no longer having a relationship with her (if it could have ever really been called that to start with) and then out of the blue, this.

We had just gotten home from vacation and I was going through the mail.  There was one piece that was obviously a birthday card ('tis that time of year after all).  A quick glance at the handwriting and the postal code it was sent from and I assumed it was from my Grandmother. So while preoccupied with 5 other things, I opened it.  It wasn't from Grandma, but from Iris.  She had enclosed a short letter, explaining that she had been able to go out for the day without Madelaine and so was writing to me in the car and mailing the card from a nearby city. (she was visiting her sister there, she didn't drive there just to mail the letter).

Again she reiterates how difficult things are with Madelaine and how she can never tell her about me.  She also reminds me that I was never supposed to be able to find her in the first place (guilt anyone?) but then asks about Liam and tells me that she thinks of us often.  I can only imagine that she is on her own adoption roller-coaster from hell.

She does say that she will try to write when she can, but PLEASE do not reply back.  Ever.

And then she closes with "Sorry for everything.  Enjoy your life and forget me.  Thank you can Good Bye."

Maybe this isn't the end..... at least not yet.


Heather said...

Oh, Andy. I don't even know what to say - I'm thinking of you and sending you a huge hug.

Lavender Luz said...

Like Heather, I am having trouble finding words.

This is wrong in so many, many ways....

Hugs, Andy.

luna said...

there really are no good words, andy. I'm so sorry, and just sending you some virtual love.

SassyCupcakes said...

Wow. She sounds so torn. I'm so sorry things are so difficult. *hug*

Rebecca Hawkes said...

Wow, I just popped onto your blog for the first time and this is the first thing I read. I am stunned. Such a complex swirl of emotions. For you. For her. Though I don't know either of you personally, it kind of breaks my heart. I'll have to read some of your older posts now to get the back story.