All right,all you parents (and none parents, I'll take advice from everyone!) out there, I need your input on this one.
What do you do when your kid doesn't want to do something fun? You've planned and talked about an upcoming activity all week. They are stoked, excited even. Then the day comes and poof. They no longer want to go.
They don't have a reason beyond just not wanting to. It's an outside activity so maybe they are worried about the cold weather. You offer to change it up with another, fun, indoor activity. Something they've done before and enjoyed. Nope. They simply don't want to go anywhere.
If this was the first time, I would write it off as tired, over scheduled, just needing a low impact, stay home, mental health kinda day. But this isn't the first time. It's pretty much become every time.
So the question I have is: Do I force it? Suck it up Buttercup, we are going and your going to have fun, damn it. Do I say okay, and we never leave the house again? I really struggle with this one.....
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I force the issue. Family time is FAMILY TIME and sometimes we do things we don't want to do because it is an event that we will all enjoy. It's called making memories :) And trust me if you cave to the attitude at his age, you will be dealing with it 100 times worse in another 5 years.
I will say though, I have one child for him any experience generates some anxiety and that anxiety often comes out as a really bad attitude. I have learned to be factual (we are going, it will be fun) and then we pursue and ignore the complaints. Inevitably we DO have fun -- and then I can reinforce afterwards the positive associations. It will take repetition but I can say that certainly that my son is now more understanding that even if something is new, it can be fun.
And seriously, this is the child that screamed and fought that he did NOT want to go to DISNEYLAND. Seriously. And yes, he had a great time :)
Like Jen, I just tell them it's not negotiable. "This is what we planned, and this is what we're going to do..." I've never really thought about another option...probably because my older two are so close together. My oldest was barely into toddlerhood when his brother was born, so I never really planned activities with an only child. If I had, I might have been more willing to alter plans based on mood. But, since changing them with multiple kids means the others miss out, I won't do it. They always end up having fun and we make family memories. Sometimes I have to deal with attitude and such, but they know not to push to far & it usually passes once they get involved in the activity. if it goes on too long though, it's met with a firm "the complaint department is closed, please try again later..." which they know as the signal to (as they say) "just deal with it". ;)
If its a planned activity I'd be more likely to say lets go-maybe watch from the sidelines to start but you are at least coming.
I know as a child I had a lot of social angst. I'd get really excited about a sleep over and then the reality of it was overwhelming. I do have memories of going to sleepovers and being anxious when I arrived but not wanting to leave when it was time to go. I wish my parents had realized how anxious I was and helped me do more because on the flip side I was envious of all the sleep overs my other friends went on.
My kids are younger than your son, but I say something like "Well, I still want to go, and I need you to come with me." Joey is in a phase where he says no to just about everything, so if it's something we've planned, I just go ahead and take him unless he seems sick or exceptionally tired.
Ryan does this with every outing. Aaron never does this. Is it ADHD, who knows. I do know once we get there we always have fun.
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