Secret to our Success

Hilary and I often get asked the secret to our relationship since we are the couple who has been together the longest out of our circle of friends. 16.5 years seems like a really long time for a relationship these days, given that the average length of a marriage before divorce is only 14 years in Canada and 9 years in the US

There is a ton of advise out there for couples – Don’t go to bed angry, be honest with each other, don’t keep secrets, still maintain your individuality, be respectful, communicate, etc..

And while Hilary and I agree with all of that, for us it’s not the secret to our success. We actually didn’t realize how important our “secret” was until we were away on vacation last week and we couldn’t avail ourselves of the “secret”. Our “secret” is in the bedroom and one we that we just couldn’t figure out how to do while staying at my in-laws house. The first few days without it weren’t too bad as we were jet lagged and our days were busy so we were falling asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow, but by the third or fourth day we didn’t know if we were going to make it the rest of the vacation without it. We started to get a bit grumpy, we weren’t well rested in the mornings and we just couldn’t find our night time rhythm as a couple. We’ve only been home 2 days now, but it has made a world of difference! We were both looking so forward to being home and getting back into the swing of things that even getting home at 01:00 in the morning and not getting into bed till well after 2:00 deterred us from it!


And what is this magical secret you ask?


Separate top covers for each of us on the bed!

I don’t remember when we started doing this, but it is the best advice I can give any couple. Hilary likes a light covering with her feet tucked in. She doesn’t move around much at night, so once she is settled her blankets rarely move. I like 5-6 heavy blankets with the sheets untucked and my feet hanging off the end of the bed. I move around and fidget all night long, to the point that my covers have ended up turning 180 degrees during the night. Before we started having separate covers blanket battles were common. I would roll over and pull all the covers with me leaving Hilary exposed. She would be too hot or I would be too cold. We would frequently wake each other up during the night and no one was getting a very good rest. Now? We have the best solution for each of us and everyone is well rested and happy.