Twenty-One

Today Hilary and I celebrate 21 years together! I can't wait to see what the next 21 bring.

20 years

Today is a very special day as Hilary and I celebrate our lives together. Today is our 20th anniversary. We have such a wonderful life together that I can’t wait to see what the next 20 years bring us.

Day 24 - Love interrupted

Love: As an adult adoptee what are your thoughts on marriage, love, and family? What are your thoughts on sex before marriage and common law marriage? If you're an interracial adoptee do you think it matters of your partner is the same ethnicity as you are? Have you ever been in a relationship with another adult adoptee? If yes, what was that like? Was it harder or easier than other relationships you've had? If no, would you ever consider dating another adult adoptee? Do you think it would be easier or harder?

INTERRUPTED!

Today's adoption related post on love is interrupted by the need for my Love and I to go and watch a cheesy love story.

See you tomorrow!

Happy Unbirthday

Have you ever had one of those weeks when everyone is grumpy and nothing seems to be working?  We've been having some of that around here.  So I decided we need to have a little fun!!! So I threw us an "Unbirthday Party"

There are decorations.

There are presents.

There are loot bags.

There's even a cake!

I think everyone should celebrate an Unbirthday!!

Something Nice for Me

I don't often do something just for me, especially if it involves spending money on something.  I suspect that this is pretty comment among parents and partners.  We have a need to put our family first.

So it was a bit unusual that when I came across a great website while reading on Support for Special Needs,  I bought myself a necklace without too much second thought.

AJ's Collections was great to work with.  They customized the small disc for me to represent my family - 2 women and a little boy.  Their prices are incredible and their turn around time is fast.  If you need a gift or just something nice for yourself, be sure to check them out.

When I first came out as a Lesbian way back when, I bought myself a charm that was the 2 women symbols. I wore that necklace 24x7 for nearly 20 years.  The only time I took it off was the summer I worked in scary straight bars.  I figured it was dangerous enough just being there, I didn't need to announce the fact that I was a Lesbian.

Then last year my Mom bought me a beautiful pewter locket, shaped like a shell.  It came with a longer chain, so I added my Lesbian charm to it and wore them together.  Until I got some mysterious sores on my neck from either the bed sheets, the necklace or both.  I had to stop wearing the locket and charm until that healed.  And so I put it somewhere safe.  And have not been able to find it since.  I have pulled the house apart; looked in pockets of old coats and purses, under things, in things and behind things.  It's not to be found.

Even when I had my original necklace, I had been thinking of ways to add on the boy symbol to show that my family now included Liam.  After losing it I considered getting a tattoo since I couldn't find another necklace that I liked.  

I may still one day get the tattoo, but for now I LOVE my new necklace!

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Have you heard of the Band Back Together?  No?  Be sure to go check them out.  It's an awesome site that is a safe place to share your stories and feel love and unconditional support when you most need it.   They recognize that many people don't do enough nice things for themselves, so they are encouraging everyone this week to go out and do something nice just for themself.    I hope you do something nice for you to.  You deserve it!

Magic Mummy Spit

We have some odd family rituals/traditions around here!

Years ago when Hilary and I still lived in Toronto I was going through a bout of nightmares.  One night as we were saying goodnight, Hilary licked the end of my nose and said "There!  Now you won't have any nightmares tonight."

Odd.... but it worked! 

She wouldn't do it every night, but if nightmares started happening again she would catch me out of the blue, lick the tip of my nose and Voila!  No more nightmares.

And now she has passed the tradition along to Liam.  While saying goodnight to him one night when he was concerned about the possibility of bad dreams, she surprised him with a quick lick to the tip of his nose!

He was slightly shocked and appalled at first, but as luck would have it, he didn't have any bad dreams that night.  So a tradition was reborn and we get to have lovely nightmare-less nights.

Secret to our Success

Hilary and I often get asked the secret to our relationship since we are the couple who has been together the longest out of our circle of friends. 16.5 years seems like a really long time for a relationship these days, given that the average length of a marriage before divorce is only 14 years in Canada and 9 years in the US

There is a ton of advise out there for couples – Don’t go to bed angry, be honest with each other, don’t keep secrets, still maintain your individuality, be respectful, communicate, etc..

And while Hilary and I agree with all of that, for us it’s not the secret to our success. We actually didn’t realize how important our “secret” was until we were away on vacation last week and we couldn’t avail ourselves of the “secret”. Our “secret” is in the bedroom and one we that we just couldn’t figure out how to do while staying at my in-laws house. The first few days without it weren’t too bad as we were jet lagged and our days were busy so we were falling asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow, but by the third or fourth day we didn’t know if we were going to make it the rest of the vacation without it. We started to get a bit grumpy, we weren’t well rested in the mornings and we just couldn’t find our night time rhythm as a couple. We’ve only been home 2 days now, but it has made a world of difference! We were both looking so forward to being home and getting back into the swing of things that even getting home at 01:00 in the morning and not getting into bed till well after 2:00 deterred us from it!


And what is this magical secret you ask?


Separate top covers for each of us on the bed!

I don’t remember when we started doing this, but it is the best advice I can give any couple. Hilary likes a light covering with her feet tucked in. She doesn’t move around much at night, so once she is settled her blankets rarely move. I like 5-6 heavy blankets with the sheets untucked and my feet hanging off the end of the bed. I move around and fidget all night long, to the point that my covers have ended up turning 180 degrees during the night. Before we started having separate covers blanket battles were common. I would roll over and pull all the covers with me leaving Hilary exposed. She would be too hot or I would be too cold. We would frequently wake each other up during the night and no one was getting a very good rest. Now? We have the best solution for each of us and everyone is well rested and happy.

Happy Valentine's Day

We aren't big on valentine's day here, other then it's a good excuse to buy and eat chocolate (not that we really need an excuse, but it's nice to have one anyway!) We of course got cards from my Mom. She buys cards for EVERY occasion. She must have stock in Hallmark.

But we do like to celebrate occasions with table presents. So when I ran to the store to get pipe-cleaners so Liam could finish his valentine's for his teachers, I decided to add Valentine's Day Dinner to the list of holiday's that we have table presents.

I've eaten all the chocolate and the presents are wrapped (what? You don't wrap everything in brown lunch bags? I do! It's easier, cheaper and you can decorate them for any occasion.) The house is starting to smell delicious, so it looks like we've had another successful Valentine's Day!

16 years

Years that we have been together







Major cross country move


Houses


Apartments


Dog


Cats


Turtles


Career Changes


Family Funerals


Fish


Bunny


Kid








Love of my life

I can't believe I'm writing this for a girl!

Ohhh the laments of a seven year old boy!

There is a little girl in Liam's class that has a crush on him. They've been in the same class for the past 2 years. Klara likes to leave him little notes, usually covered in cutesy red hearts.

Now Liam has always had both girls and boys as friends. He's happy playing with dolls and Littlest Pet Shop toys and he's happy using those same toys to mount an infantry attack against his Star Wars characters. What can I say, some boy things seem to be ingrained.

7 year old girls are all about being giggly, gawking at boys and playing pretend wedding. 7 year old boys all run in horror! The idea of a girl liking them, or wanting to be their girlfriend is just too much. And don't even bother trying to explain that one day they are going to want this attention!

After a day full of unwanted adulation from Klara, Liam had had enough. He grumped about it the whole way home. When he stopped and declared "I HATE Klara" I knew that I had to say something. HATE is not an acceptable word in our house, at least not when used towards people. You can hate war, you can hate injustices but you cannot hate someone. So we stopped on a cold sidewalk, in the near dark to talk about this. He agreed that HATE may be too strong, but he really, really, really did not like Klara!

His school uses a great method of discipline to help kids work through problems between them. Anyone involved in some sort of tiff with another student has to go to the resource room and write the offended student a letter of apology. So while Klara did not hear Liam say he hated her, I figured it would help the seriousness sink in if he had to write her a letter.

Needless to say, he was horrified! In his mind writing anything to Klara may as well have been his declaration of undying love*. He huffed and puffed and sobbed his way through the letter, finally declaring "I can't believe I'm writing this for a girl!

* I did not give Klara the letter. I figured it was just better for everyone!

Valentine's Day: Celebrate Love

This post is the last in a series this week helping to bring awareness to Freedom to Marry Week. Check out The Other Mother for other bloggers participating in their blog carnival celebrating love.

Hilary and I have been together now for just over 15 years. Like most lesbians, we started living together within the first few days of being together. The plan was that I was only going to live there till I got a place of my own... yeah right!

In 15 years we have survived being unemployed, starting a career, moving across the country to a place we had never been before, buying our first house and then our second, adopting a son together, the deaths of family members, changes in careers and too many hair styles and colours to count.

Through it all she has been my best friend, my strength and my love. We don't really celebrate Valentine's day because we don't need one day to celebrate our love, we do it every day.

Something Blue

This post is the fourth in a series this week helping to bring awareness to Freedom to Marry Week. Check out The Other Mother for other bloggers participating in their blog carnival celebrating love.




So I kinda, sorta cheated for something Blue. This is a wedding cake that we made for friends a few years ago. The actual cake had white and yellow flowers, but I tinted the picture since I couldn't find anything blue for this post!

Something Borrowed

This post is the third in a series this week helping to bring awareness to Freedom to Marry Week. Check out The Other Mother for other bloggers participating in their blog carnival celebrating love.

This cake idea we BORROWED from Bob Blumer on the Surreal Gourmet. The bun is 2 layers of white cake, the patti is a brownie, the mustard is mango coulis, the ketchup is raspberry coulis, the relish is green Jello and the mayonaise (we're Canadian, we put Mayo on burgers) is white butter cream icing. And don't forget the fries! Toasted pound cake. It was very yummy!

Something New

This post is the second in a series this week helping to bring awareness to Freedom to Marry Week. Check out The Other Mother for other bloggers participating in their blog carnival celebrating love.

This wedding cake was made by Hilary and her Mum to welcome a NEW member to our family.

Something old

This post is the first in a series this week helping to bring awareness to Freedom to Marry Week. Check out The Other Mother for other bloggers participating in their blog carnival celebrating love.

An OLD picture of Hilary and I, circa 2001. This wasn't our wedding, we did however make the moster cake! 4 dozen egg whites went into the bottom layer alone. It fed the 150 people at the wedding as dessert and the bride and groom still took home full layers. The cake was white with raspberry cream icing between the layers and covered in vanilla butter cream icing.

Freedom to marry

Even though Hilary and I haven't excericed our right to marry, we are still all for it! Next week is Freedom to Marry Week for our southern neighbours. There are lots of ways that you can get involved and help spread the word.

One way is to join The Other Mother and other bloggers in their blog carnival celebrating love.

It's pretty easy:

Each day next week, post to your blog or facebook page something on these topics, according to the "olde" wedding tradition:

Tuesday, Feb. 10... Something Old
Wednesday, Feb. 11... Something New
Thursday, Feb. 12... Something Borrowed
Friday, Feb. 13... Something Blue
Saturday, Feb. 14... Valentine's Day: Celebrate Love

You can post a photo, a memory, a poem, some music, or a combination.

Be sure to link back to them to let them know you are joining in. Check back next week for my entries

Mama, why would you die for me?

Oh this boy is making me grey!!

So we are walking to gymnastics on Saturday, holding hands as we go through the parking lot. I ask him to switch to my right hand so that he's on the outside, not near the cars. Of course, he asks me why. Silly me told him the truth..... I wanted him away from the cars so that if one slid on the ice he wouldn't get hit by it. He of course figured out pretty quickly that this was only because the car would hit me instead.

Instead of accepting this as an unselfish act of love on my part, he F.R.E.A.K.S. O.U.T.

Sobbing about my impeding death. Hysterics about what would happen to him if I were to die right there in the parking lot, leaving him alone. Sadness at having to grieve for me.

And on and on.....

I finally calm him down and convince him that I am not going to die right there in his arms any second now. And like most 6 year olds, he's off onto a completely different topic within minutes.

Our day continued along quite nicely. We had lunch, did some shopping, went home to play and go tobogganing. Standard Saturday stuff.

Till bedtime.

Things were going along all tickety-boo till we were having a cuddle in his bed. I could tell from the way his face was scrunching up that he was upset and trying not to cry. So I asked the fateful question "What's wrong honey?"

Mama, why would you die for me?

Ummm... cause that's what Mama's do? Somehow that didn't seem like a very reassuring answer while we cuddled under his glow in the dark stars. The whole concept of being willing to die for someone else seemed way too much for him to grasp. And honestly? It was way too much for me to try and explain.

We ended the night with lots of hugs and reassurances of my un-dying love (pun intended!)

Ah the joys of navigating these parenting waters. Where did I leave my handbook again?

Being Serenaded

Liam serenaded Hilary and I with this origianl tune last night:

Mummy and Mama
Sitting in a tree
I SS N I S N
Who do we appreciate?
Go Mummy!

Perfect Moment Monday

Lori started Perfect Moment Monday's some time ago. She writes:

Perfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments are just waiting to be observed, and can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

Up until now I haven't had anything that felt like a Perfect Moment.

Last week none of us had been sleeping well. It was the first week back to school after the holiday break and everyone was tired and cranky. After a particularly trying evening I was reading Liam his bedtime story. It offered some opportunities to sneak some math questions into it, so I was quizzing him on things like "what is 2 + 2" or "5 + 3". He was getting them all right and was very proud of himself (and I was proud too!) So I threw in a trick question:

"What is Liam + Mama?"

Without skipping a beat he said (with a big ole cheesy grin plastered on his face):

"LOVE"

And that is my perfect moment.

15 years ago

15 years ago I walked into a bar (a straight bar at that!) with a group of friends, not knowing that my life was about to change.

15 years ago I sat across the table from a gorgeous woman and was tongue tied.

15 years ago my friend took me aside and gave me a pep talk (that sounded more like "Buck up and get on with it already!)

15 years ago I realized that I had fallen in love.

15 years ago Hilary and I became a couple.

Happy Anniversary my love!