Twenty-One

Today Hilary and I celebrate 21 years together! I can't wait to see what the next 21 bring.

Kim Chi Soondubu Jjigae

Hilary decided to try Korean cooking this week.  

Kimchi Soondubu Jjigae is a hot and sour soup with beef, shrimp, tofu and of course Kim Chi.  Kim Chi is a spicy fermented vegetable dish made with cabbage.  When we bought some at the Korean market for this dish, the shop owner wanted to make sure we knew what we were buying as we were buying the strongest kind they sold.  She didn't have many Canadian customers buying that version.

The soup was wonderful.  The soft tofu added at the end gave it a nice creamy texture.  This dish qualifies as one of the spiciest that Hilary has made.  I think we may serve it over rice tonight to cut down a bit on the spice and to help flesh it out more.

Teaching English

There is a small convenience store at our local mall that we frequent quite regularly. It's run by a Korean family that up until recently we only shared a passing acquaintance with.  That all changed one day when the husband mentioned to Hilary that he was trying to improve his English, but found it hard because, while he can read English, some of the words are not easily found in an English-Korean dictionary, and he's never sure on how to pronounce things.

Hilary came home and hatched a plan to help him out.  We love listening to audio books, so she figured, what better way to help learn English then to listen to an unabridged audio book while following along with the hard copy.   We even had a little iPod shuffle that didn't sell at our last yard sale that we could download a copy of one of our books onto.

The only problem was that the best book choice that we had in both unabridged audio and hard copy was Twilight.  We also have all the Harry Potter's, but if someone was going to use this to learn English, we figured they didn't need made up words like Quidditch, Daigon Alley or Avada Kedavra.  So Twilight it was.

While not exactly the best subject to keep a 50 year old Korean man interested, he has persevered with it and almost seems to be enjoying it.   Every few days either Hilary or I will go in and sit behind the counter with him and help him out with any words or phrases that have stumped both him and his translator apps.   He bought his own copy of the book because he didn't want to mark up ours and he underlines anything he doesn't understand and makes notes in Korean in the margins once he has the definition or explanation of a word.

Having read Twilight several times myself, I would have characterized it as having fairly simple and easy language to understand.  I realize now that I thought that because I'm a native English speaker/reader.  To someone who is new to the language, there are a lot of colloquial sayings and downright slang that can easily trip you up.  I'm sure we are very comical looking when we are trying to pantomime the description of a word while crammed into the tight space behind the cash register.

Some recent things that we've struggled to explain:

• If someone can drive UP to Forks or DOWN to California, why can you only show UP for work but not show DOWN?
• What is the difference between "every day I....." and "every single day I......"?
• Ditching school has nothing to do with actual ditches. And why is ditching healthy?
• Explaining "hand-eye coordination" nearly had us knocking over displays of gum.
• Trying to  explain "kicked up a tantrum" without using the word fuss, because how do you explain what a FUSS is?
• What exactly is an understatement?
• Trying to explain to someone who has no cultural reference to Spiderman, what a radioactive spider has to do with anything.

This teaching relationship also works both ways.  Both the husband and wife will quiz me on the Korean terms and numbers that I need to learn for Tae Kwon Do.

Win-Win!

20 years

Today is a very special day as Hilary and I celebrate our lives together. Today is our 20th anniversary. We have such a wonderful life together that I can’t wait to see what the next 20 years bring us.

Will the Seahorse

Hilary has done it again!  Just one year we would like Liam to have a role in the play that involves a simple costume, like boy #3.  So far he has been a gold coin, spider, fox, robot, a police officer (ok, so that one was kinda easy).  This year he is Will, a seahorse.

Costumes for the school plays are supposed to be simple.  That meant anything I found on Google or Pinterest was of little to no help.  Sure they had all sorts of fancy schmancy costumes, but nothing that was appropriate for a school play.

Luckily Hilary is always up for the challenge:

The play is Thursday night.  I just hope that Will the Seahorse is able to keep his head on during it!

An impossibly long list

These are the things I have to do, in no particular order, in the next 40 hours.

1. Find the Christmas stockings
2. Wash and dry 2 loads of laundry
3. Put away the 2 loads of laundry that's already clean
4. Get the suitcases out of the attic
5. Find the Christmas pickle
6. Pack clothes for 3 people
7. Pack all the Christmas gifts we are taking with us
8. Go out an buy Christmas gifts for:
• My 90 year Grandmother
• Hilary 
• Kavya
• Divya
• our tennants
9. Buy table presents for 6 people
10. Charge 3 iPods
11. Charge the tablet
12. Pack laptop and all cords
13. Download audio books onto everyone's iPods
14. Charge the camera
15. Find the cords for the camera
16. Go to Liam's Fair at school
17. Work 2 full 8 hour shifts
18. Pack everyone's meds (last count was 10+ bottles)
19. Get to the pharmacy to fill Liam's prescriptions
20. Clean the house
21. Get to the vet for heavy duty flea killing stuff
22. Bathe 5 cats and douse them with heavy duty flea killing stuff
23. Get in touch with the house/cat sitter and make sure she can still come
24. Teach the house/cat sitter how to feed the gecko live crickets
25. Make a back up plan if I can't get in touch with the house/cat sitter
26. Finish 2 batches of marshmallows
27. Empty out the fridge of compost
28. Clean the cat litters out
29. Take out the garbage
30. Remember to pack tea
31. Pay bills

Wish me luck!

Day 24 - Love interrupted

Love: As an adult adoptee what are your thoughts on marriage, love, and family? What are your thoughts on sex before marriage and common law marriage? If you're an interracial adoptee do you think it matters of your partner is the same ethnicity as you are? Have you ever been in a relationship with another adult adoptee? If yes, what was that like? Was it harder or easier than other relationships you've had? If no, would you ever consider dating another adult adoptee? Do you think it would be easier or harder?

INTERRUPTED!

Today's adoption related post on love is interrupted by the need for my Love and I to go and watch a cheesy love story.

See you tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Hilary

I love you honey!!!

Kirby

Hilary's solution for not being able to find the stuffies Liam wants, or if we can find them but they are just too expensive?  She MAKES them!

Magic Mummy Spit

We have some odd family rituals/traditions around here!

Years ago when Hilary and I still lived in Toronto I was going through a bout of nightmares.  One night as we were saying goodnight, Hilary licked the end of my nose and said "There!  Now you won't have any nightmares tonight."

Odd.... but it worked! 

She wouldn't do it every night, but if nightmares started happening again she would catch me out of the blue, lick the tip of my nose and Voila!  No more nightmares.

And now she has passed the tradition along to Liam.  While saying goodnight to him one night when he was concerned about the possibility of bad dreams, she surprised him with a quick lick to the tip of his nose!

He was slightly shocked and appalled at first, but as luck would have it, he didn't have any bad dreams that night.  So a tradition was reborn and we get to have lovely nightmare-less nights.

Our winter project

I used to be very crafty - knitting, crocheting, cross stitch.  But then my Raynaud's got worse, and I find doing things with my hands to painful.  But I miss having a project to work on (other then scrap booking, which I'm woefully behind in).  I've never been much of a sewer (is that how you spell that?  It looks suspiciously like the thing the toilet is connect to) but Hilary sews.  I've helped in past projects but usually just cutting and ironing. 

We decided that we needed new quilts for our bed, and since we take a European approach to bed clothes, we are making 2 twin size quilts.  We picked out fabrics that complement each other, but are very different.  And I've decided to do my quilt all by myself!

 My quilt will be stripped blocks in oranges, pinks and greens.

Hilary's quilt will be blocks of smaller squares in blues, purples and pinks.

Hopefully we get them finished before winter is over!

Pop!

Hilary has outdone herself again!  The first two pictures are from the practice desert she made the week before Christmas.  Normally she just dives into a recipe and doesn't do a practice run, but this one had an unusual ingredient and she wanted to see how it would react.

And with it's Christmas (gluten-free!) crust.

Can you see the blueish flecks in the Christmas crust?  And the stuff being sprinkled on top?  Pop-Rocks! Yes, the notorious candy that was blamed for killing Mikey, of cereal commercial fame, when he mixed Pop-Rocks and Coke together. It's not true, Mikey is alive and well.

Turns out you CAN cook with Pop-Rocks.  Or at least mix them into things.  The crust was not cooked, but just a pressed cookie crumb crust with Pop-Rocks mixed in.  And they didn't POP till you ate it!  The Pop-Rocks on top of the cheese cake popped a little bit when they hit the wet cheese cake, but mostly held together till they were served and eaten.

It was a yummy cheese cake (lime flavoured) and also exciting to eat! Now I'll be on the look out for anything new that she serves, half expecting it to explode in my mouth!

Dec 9th, 2010

Happy 17th Anniversary Hilary!

I love you. 

Vampire Brains

Halloween may be over, but the fun continues.  Hilary made us Vampire Brains for dessert last night.

Ahhhh.....

Is the sigh that Hilary's feet made with this newest addition to our kitchen:

It's a gel-filled anti-fatigue floor mat.  Hilary's Mum has one and swears by them.  When you stand on your feet doing a lot of cooking, they are a little slice of heaven for comfort.  Expensive as all get out, but worth every penny.

Please ignore the cupboard doors that don't shut.  New cabinets is number 2324167 on the list of things to be done in the house.

For all the marketing that Disney does...

we couldn't find the ONE Toy Story 3 toy that Liam really wanted.  So what do you do when it's one week to his birthday and you can't find it anywhere - not in stores, not even online?

You make it of course!

Well, actually Hilary made it since I don't sew.  3 peas in a pod.  I realize they had a 20 second part in the entire movie, but they are the characters that Liam fell in love with during all the pre-release teasers and 20 seconds of screen time was fine with him.  They were still his favorite after seeing the movie.  Each store that we went into that might even remotely carry Toy Story 3 toys would send him scouring every hidden corner in search of them.

But now he has them and loves it!

Secret to our Success

Hilary and I often get asked the secret to our relationship since we are the couple who has been together the longest out of our circle of friends. 16.5 years seems like a really long time for a relationship these days, given that the average length of a marriage before divorce is only 14 years in Canada and 9 years in the US

There is a ton of advise out there for couples – Don’t go to bed angry, be honest with each other, don’t keep secrets, still maintain your individuality, be respectful, communicate, etc..

And while Hilary and I agree with all of that, for us it’s not the secret to our success. We actually didn’t realize how important our “secret” was until we were away on vacation last week and we couldn’t avail ourselves of the “secret”. Our “secret” is in the bedroom and one we that we just couldn’t figure out how to do while staying at my in-laws house. The first few days without it weren’t too bad as we were jet lagged and our days were busy so we were falling asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow, but by the third or fourth day we didn’t know if we were going to make it the rest of the vacation without it. We started to get a bit grumpy, we weren’t well rested in the mornings and we just couldn’t find our night time rhythm as a couple. We’ve only been home 2 days now, but it has made a world of difference! We were both looking so forward to being home and getting back into the swing of things that even getting home at 01:00 in the morning and not getting into bed till well after 2:00 deterred us from it!


And what is this magical secret you ask?


Separate top covers for each of us on the bed!

I don’t remember when we started doing this, but it is the best advice I can give any couple. Hilary likes a light covering with her feet tucked in. She doesn’t move around much at night, so once she is settled her blankets rarely move. I like 5-6 heavy blankets with the sheets untucked and my feet hanging off the end of the bed. I move around and fidget all night long, to the point that my covers have ended up turning 180 degrees during the night. Before we started having separate covers blanket battles were common. I would roll over and pull all the covers with me leaving Hilary exposed. She would be too hot or I would be too cold. We would frequently wake each other up during the night and no one was getting a very good rest. Now? We have the best solution for each of us and everyone is well rested and happy.

Happy Birthday Daughter in Law

When I first came out as a Lesbian to my parents, I was pretty sure they would never get over it, much less accept it.

So you can imagine how wonderful it is for Hilary to get a birthday card in the mail from my parents that says "Happy Birthday Daughter-in-law"

Happy Birthday my Love!

 

The grape scissors

Hilary and I had been dating about 1 year when I first got to really meet her parents. I had met them once or twice before, but just as Hilary's friend, not her GIRLfriend. So when's the best time to meet the in-laws? Christmas of course! At their house. Across the country (which meant no backup/escape plans were possible).

Hilary and I grew up in two very different worlds. I grew up on a farm with people who bashed small animals on the head and ate them for dinner. Hilary grew up in downtown Toronto with people who subscribed to Gourmet Magazine - for the recipes - not just because it looked nice on the coffee table. So to help make me feel more comfortable, Hilary decided to give me some tips and pointers on what to expect during the visit.

1. Silver Silverware - Growing up we had 1 set of silverware and we used it every day. My mother did have a box of gold-plated silverware that she got as a wedding present, but we never used it. Hilary's family uses their fancy silverware for fancy meals. Like the one that I was going to share with them on Christmas. If that had been the only thing I probably wouldn't have been as nervous as I was. After a fork is just a fork right?
   
   
2. Full place settings - Hilary's parents set the table with full place settings. Cloth napkins, desert forks and spoons, water glasses. The whole shebang. Have you ever seen Pretty Woman when Barney teaches Vivian about all the forks? Yeah, that was me too.
   
   

3. Cocktails before dinner. This one I was pretty good with. I figured I would need a good belt to get through it. (Except people who have cocktails in fancy glasses seldom refer to them as a "good belt")
   
   
4. Grape Scissors - Until that moment in time I had no idea such things existed. I honestly thought Hilary was pulling my leg, but no, it turns out her mother not only owns grape scissors, but uses them. The point of grape scissors is that you cut a small bunch of grapes from the bigger bunch and put them on your plate to eat. That way you aren't leaving an unsightly grape stem behind.

So far so good.  It was a bit intimidating but I figured I could get through it.  I wasn't completely backwards.  I had after all conquered sitting up straight, no putting my elbows on the table and chewing with my mouth closed.   I planned to watch what everyone else was doing so that I could just follow suite.  Seemed like a good plan till I was met with this at my place setting:

 

 

I had no freaking clue what it was for.  It looked vaguely like a lobster fork, but we weren't having lobster, we were having lamb.   Maybe it was some special desert thing. I thought I had seen pie, so I wasn't sure why we wouldn't just have forks. And besides I already had too many forks, one of them was bound to be for desert.  I decided to stick with my original plan to watch and follow. The lamb was served and we all had a very nice meal.  

I should probably tell you now that I have a fair number of food issues (you would too if your parents tried to feed you groundhog!) I was a vegetarian for a number of years but had given up on that by the time Hilary and I started going out.  I still wasn't a huge fan of meat, but I did enjoy it every now and then.  And yes surprisingly, I like lamb.  I can't think about it, but I like the taste. 

So the main course was winding down.  I finished and sat quietly waiting to see what happened next.  Then someone picked up this unknown piece of cutlery.  Hmmmm... their plate is empty, they just have the bone left from the lamb shank.  Maybe they are going to use it like a spoon to get the last bit of sauce off the plate?  Oh how I wish that had been it!  No, they proceeded to pick up the lamb bone and use their marrow spoon.

Marrow spoons were aptly named for their macabre purpose. It doesn't take much imagination to divine what these utensils were used for. During the reign of Queen Anne, the consumption of bone marrow (of mainly beef bones) was a delicacy enjoyed by everyone who could afford to have it (though it was almost assuredly, an acquired taste).

Some examples of these utensils date from the late 15th century. The long and narrow spoon section was used to dig out the marrow of larger bones, which was then mixed into soups or baked in ovens. This was a delicacy in early years when generally only the rich and influential could afford a steady source of actual meat. The utensil was generally made of silver to better fit in with the tableware sets of the day.

Also, due to the hard digging and scraping that was involved in getting the soft marrow out of the bone centers, softer metal (like tin) or even wooden spoons didn't last very long. The utensil sometimes had two spoon sections; one per end, with one being half the length of the other and narrower (for getting into smaller bone centers apparently). The hallmarks are usually found on the underside of the connector stem between the two spoon ends.

EWWWWWWW!   They were digging out bone marrow and eating it!  and enjoying it! As much as i wanted to be polite there was NO WAY I was going to eat that.  I had stopped eating Jell-o once I found out where it came from  (The gelatin you eat in Jell-O comes from the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues. To make gelatin, manufacturers grind up these various parts and pre-treat them with either a strong acid or a strong base to break down cellular structures and release proteins like collagen, from TLC in case you wanted to know too!)

Hilary, bless her heart, came to my rescue and let me know that it was not required of me to eat the marrow.  Hilary's mom was made aware of my food issues shortly after that and has since been very accommodating in frying me up a nice ham steak when they are eating things like tongue sandwiches, oysters, head cheese or blood pudding! (most of which Hilary doesn't eat either)   I have a great relationship with my MIL and I'm no longer intimidated by any of their habits.  Good thing too, we are going to visit them in June!

Are you going to blog about that?

Part of our success of being a couple for 16 years lies in how much fun Hilary and I have together.  We make each other laugh.  We joke together and we tease - in a nice way, not a mean teasing way.

Hilary was slower to embrace the internet then I was.  She still refers to all of you as  my "crazy internet friends".  She was pretty iffy the day I dragged took her out to breakfast to meet someone that I only knew from an adoption forum.   She does not blog or read blogs.  Except this one.  She likes to keep tabs on what I'm sharing with the world. Like Dawn wrote about a few weeks ago, my family also gets to have final veto power in what gets posted.  So far I haven't had anything that I wanted to post that didn't make it past Hilary's approval.

But she has turned blogging topics into a game!

Every time adoption comes up on TV she gets a glint in her eye, pauses the show and smirks at me "You wanna go blog about that?"  When we hear a weird news story on the radio - "Are you going to blog about that?"  Liam remembers to turn the light off in the bathroom... you get the picture!

I have to admit that a few of her joking moments have prompted a blog post or two.  There are times when the creative well seems pretty dry, so it's nice to have someone feeding you some material to work with.

Where do you get your inspiration for blog posts?