One year ago today I got a 1 paragraph email that talks about getting a new roof, being infested with ants, transplanting some hostas and visiting her sisters.
She ends the email with :
I will say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you in case I don’t get another chance.
This is more than enough for now.
Iris
Is that the last thing I'll ever hear from her? "This is more than enough for now" - No it isn't enough, not if that is all there is going to be.
I continue to check the obits daily, so I assume that she has not died, but that isn't 100% reliable. Maybe she didn't want an obituary; maybe it's posted in a different newspaper that I don't know to check.
We are getting ready for our annual trip to Ontario in 2 weeks. In the past few years this would be the time that Iris and I would be trying to work out when and were we could get together to see each other. It's not looking like I will be seeing her this year.
So now the question becomes - "what do I do next?" I have her phone number, I could just call. But that goes against my promise to her that I would help keep "the secret". I could have my friend Barb call and pretend to be a telemarketer ( you laugh, we've done this once before when I hadn't heard from Iris for a long time). I could show up on her doorstep when we get to Ontario. I'm thinking option 2 is probably the best one.
But then what....
Do I grieve someone I barely know, that I didn't even know had died?
If she is still alive, what do I do? Send her a secret smoke signal and hope that she responds?
I am the walking poster child for why secrets and adoption don't mix!!
5 comments:
(((((Andy)))))
Wish I had the perfect answer for you, but you know I'm also a poster child for why adoption and secrets don't mix. :-( I haven't heard from my birthmother in a while either; I do have her other daughter's email though so I have ways of getting in touch if I need to. Also, it has now been over a year since we've heard from Kiddo's birthmother, including no response from the most recent letter and pictures we sent just over a week ago. So, just because an adoption is supposedly "open" doesn't mean one is guaranteed actual communication. Totally craptastic.
I agree that option 2 seems like the best one to try before you head to ON. I hope that you hear something back and get something set up with Iris, or at least some resolution and closure so you're not left wondering.
(((hugs)))
I'm so sorry that Iris isn't keeping in touch with you. I know hos frustrating it can be when the other half of your adoption doesn't respond. However, in my case, my daughter's adoptive mother won't respond to my emails, texts, and phone calls. I would have your friend try calling to see if Iris is okay, and to try and arrange a visit.
Andy I have nothing for you but hope and prayer...I can not imagine the shopping list of feeling that you are having...I am sorry.
No advice, just want to say I'm bummed that you're having to face these questions. So hard.
Gah. My comment is not original. No advice, but if I did it would be that #2 might be the way I'd go.
It's a shame that you are even in this position.
{{{{Andy}}}}
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