Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Birth fathers, the forgotten members of the triad

Are biological fathers meaningless?

My own birth father has never really been more then a passing thought for me. Maybe it's because I grew up thinking that he was dead. (Iris told the SW that she was widowed as one of the reasons for placing me. This mis-information made its way into my non-identifying info). When I thought about finding my birth family, it was always my mother and sister that I thought of. Even after I found Iris and the truth came out, I was only mildly curious. And since Iris refused (and still refuses) to give me any information on him, the point is rather moot.

So why did I start to cry when she casually mentioned him by name in an email?

My father's name is Ken.

When we were first meeting with K and discussing Liam's adoption-to-be, the subject of his birth father barely came up. We did make sure that he was aware of the pregnancy, knew that K was planning on placing Liam and that he did not want to raise the baby himself. In fact, it wasn't until the day before Liam was born that we even thought to inquire about his birth father's race. Race was not an issue to us, so it never came up, but it may have been a bit of a surprise the next day if we had assumed the baby was going to be white and wasn't.

K has since shared some tidbits of information about him, scraps that I print and save in a book of all of our communication, because I'm begining to realize that this may be very important to Liam one day.

I wonder if Liam will feel more of an urge to find his birth father then I did, because he is growing up without a father?
I wonder how much my relationship with my a-father affected my outlook on fathers in general?

I look at friends, single moms raising their kids alone, and wonder what their children will do one day? Will they search out their fathers? Is being raised by a single mom different then being adopted (in the case of not knowing your father)?

To answer my question... No, I don't believe that biological fathers are meaningless. I just don't what mine means to me right now.
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