Friday, July 25, 2008

We now have silence

I called Iris yesterday for what will be the last time for awhile. Today is Madelaine's last day at work, as she has been laid off after 20+ years at this job.

The call was bitter-sweet. The sweet part was that we have really reached a level of comfort with each other. We can chitchat and joke and there are no uncomfortable silences or underlying tones that leaves the listener wondering what is being implied. It is finally like talking to family.
Comfortable, familiar, enjoyable.

The bitter part was knowing that this is our last communication until Madelaine is working or out of the house job hunting. Since she plans to take a month off to just relax before even starting to look, it will be at least September before I hear from Iris again.

The good news is that Iris is doing well health wise, and has pretty much fully recovered from her operation. The Dr did tell her that she has a hernia and some artery problems in her stomach that they want to do more tests for, but she doesn't see that happening until the new year. And yet, she is still 78 years old. Not that 78 is OLD, but when you aren't in great health to start with, it starts to be cause for concern. Especially for me, when I can't just call her up and see how she's doing.

The hardest part of the call yesterday was when she wished me a Happy Birthday. My birthday's not till mid-August, but she doesn't expect that we'll be able to talk around then, or even that she'll be able to send an email. I only found Iris 7 years ago, so I haven't had a lot of "Happy Birthday's" from her. One of my most treasured possessions is the birthday card she sent me the year after I found her, the card that says "Happy Birthday Daughter" on the front.

As an adoptee birthday's have always been hard. Even if it's just a subconcious reaction to the fact that this is the anniversary of the day you were seperated from your mother. So hearing from Iris these past few years has been wonderful. Knowing again this year that I won't hear from her sucks.
So for now I entertain my little fantasy that Iris tells Madelaine everything, it goes well, and the next chapter of my adoption journey beginins "Reunion with a 1/2 sister".
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