Monday, November 12, 2012

Day 12 - Significant Others

Significant Others...Has being adopted affected your romantic relationships? If so, how? What is your relationship like with your adoptive family? Do you feel connected to your extended adoptive family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.)? If reunited, do you feel connected to your extended natural family? Are there disconnects? Explain.

I don't think that being adopted ever affected my romantic relationships, but like Rebecca of  Love is Not a Pie said so eloquently " I have no non-adopted self to function as the control for comparison."  I think my foray into romantic relationships was much more affected by the fact that I was just coming out as a lesbian and finding my way and myself in that area.

However, having a strong, amazing and supportive partner during my reunion with Iris was so very important. Hilary was my rock, there with me during every twist and dive of the roller coaster ride.  And she is still there for me.  Understanding when a TV show has me sobbing on the couch, or I need to rant about this or that that I've read online in the adoption world.

As for my extended adoptive family, I do feel connected to them.  My Dad was one of 10 kids, but he was only close to 4 of them.  I feel very close to those 4, and all of their children and grandchildren.  It might help that I have 6 cousins who were also adopted, so I was never the "odd" man out.

There was one time when I did feel a huge disconnect to my adoptive family.  My Grandma, Mom and I visited distant relatives in England when I was 12.  England is steeped in history and ancestry is very important.  While we were there we visited ancient family grave yards and castles that "our" ancestors had worked and lived in.  That was the first time that my adoption really hit me hard when I realized that I had no idea who MY ancestors were.  I had no family grave yards to visit, no stories of Great Uncle so and so working as the gardener  in this great castle. I broke down that night and sobbed in my mother's arms.  She was (and still is!) amazing and understanding.  While she couldn't fix it she did reiterate that she and my dad would do whatever they could to help my find my parents when I was ready.
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