Music has always been a big emotional trigger for me. Certain songs can instantly transport me back to a time or a place in my life, to the point that I re-experience actual sensations. I cannot listen to U2's "
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" without feeling cold and damp (long story). Any song from Elton John's "
Live In Australia" will make we want to curl up with a blanket and go to sleep, except for "
I need you to Turn to" which just reduces me to tears. When I hear Meatloaf's "
Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" I can close my eyes and see Patti and Paul acting out the chorus in our living room on MacDonell St. in a drunken stupor.
There are 2 songs that are adoption triggers for me. I've been listening to both of these since I was a little girl. As (bad) luck would have it today, both of them played on my Yahoo Music feed while I was at work this morning. I'm already having a
rough week when it comes to the emotions surrounding my own adoption, so hearing these songs, nearly back to back, was almost enough to push me over the edge.
The first song is Bobby Vee singing "Take Good Care of My Baby".
As a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, I had no clue that this was a teenage love song about a boy who lost his "baby" to another boy. I thought it was about adoption, a first parent singing to the adoptive parents. And of course I fantasized that it was MY first parents expressing all these wonderful things for ME. And in my childhood attempt to understand adoption, this line really stuck with me: "Once upon a time that little girl was mine, If I'd been true, I know she'd never be with you". If only my first parents had done SOMETHING different I would still be with them. And that is the paradox of adoption. What 7 year old wants to leave their parents, the only people they have known but at the same times wants to be with people they've never met, because that is who they are supposed to be with? This is a concept I still struggle with today, let alone what it did to me emotionally as a 7 year old.
8 comments:
I also have strong reactions to music...mostly sad...I totally understand what you mean about both of those songs. and I think you are right MAYBE sums up a lot for you right now..
((((Andy))))
Music is triggering for me too. I had to leave the room on Saturday when "Somewhere Out There" started while watching "An American Tale" with Jim and Delaney. It took me right back.
I am so sorry you having a rough time right now. I so wish things were different for you, it just seems so unfair!
Jenn
**hugs**
Songs are triggers for most of us. And thanks for visiting my site.
Oh my goodness! I've heard that song a billion times and never thought about it that way, but wow, I see the adoption connection. Wishing you some peace, and tunes with happy memories on the radio!
Both songs are beautiful. I've felt a special connection to "Maybe" since I sang it in the musical. (I played Molly in a local production.)
Sending lots of hugs your way as you go through this difficult time.
I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. Sending lots of hugs your way.
I was touched by this post. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time.
I learn so much about being a good mom (by allowing my kids to feel their feelings) from you, Andy.
Wonderful post.
Post a Comment